Morbid
by oliviabensons
Summary: Because on the day that would have been their three year anniversary, his lips are by her ear, he is burying his face in her hair, and his hand- the hand with the wedding band on his finger- is burning the skin between her shirt and pants.


A/N: Just something that popped into my brain while watching Pretend (8x21). Thank you sooooo much to my schmoopy, **1MissMandi**. You are the best.

Disclaimer: Oh, how I wish I owned them. But I don't. Dick does.

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"Happy anniversary, baby."

It's morbid, she thinks, and she wants to laugh. Because on the day that would have been their three year anniversary, his lips are by her ear, he is burying his face in her hair, and his hand- the hand with the wedding band on his finger- is burning the skin between her shirt and pants.

"El," she whispers and her breath hitches because he hasn't held her in years and she misses it. She misses it like hell.

Elliot pushes her further into the kitchen counter in the precinct. He thanks God that the new place has a kitchen with more privacy. "I miss you." His lips are centimeters away from her neck and she's about to cry. "I miss holding you and kissing you and being inside you. I miss _being _with you."

Her heart hurts. If he hadn't gotten his ex-wife pregnant, she wonders if they'd still be together. After he had slept with Kathy, they had gone on a date. They had defied the rules and gone on a few dates. And they slept together.

"You can't do this. I'm supposed to be moving on. Three years and I still can't and you are _not _helping," her voice is laced with tears.

The door to the kitchen is closed and he wants nothing more than to take his ring off and have his way with her right here, right now.

"I know, Liv, I know." He closes his eyes and revels in the feeling of her. It's been too long since he felt her. "God, you smell so good."

Olivia tries to pull away from him, but he doesn't budge. "Elliot, please. You can't keep doing this. You have a wife and you have kids. You can't keep looking at me or smelling my hair in elevators or whispering things in my ear. We were… we were never meant to work out."

She's final and she has shut herself down and he wants one more time to be let in.

They are silent.

"Remember that one case we worked when we were together? You looked so beautiful. I had a feeling that Casey knew something was up because your hair was down and we were both out of breath when we walked in to talk to Cassandra Sullivan," he pauses, takes a deep breath. "Who could have anticipated that would be one of the last times I would get to love you?" He's crying now; she can tell by the tears he leaves on her skin. "Who could have anticipated that three weeks later my ex-wife would beg me to come home because our goodbye became a beginning? I told her. I told her that night of the Royce case that it was our goodbye. I told _you_. Why the hell am I so fucking stupid? I love Eli, you know I do, but I wish he was yours," he sobs. "Oh God, how I wish he was yours."

His hands grip her waist even tighter and he is hysterically crying. She is trying to keep herself composed. "Please," she begs.

"Tell me what I'm supposed to do, babe."

Olivia finally turns herself around and holds onto his shoulders. "This is what's gonna happen, okay? We're going to finish our paperwork and I am going to go home to my empty bed and you are going to go home to your family and play with your son. The son who is your wife's son, the son who you created with the person you're meant to be with. I am going to cry and move on and forget about this. And you are going to make love to your wife and not think of me or our anniversary and you are going to love her. Because that is how it's supposed to be." She cups his face in her hands, forcing him to look her in the eye. "We were never meant to work out."

The tears stream down his face and she finally lets the ones filling her eyes spill over. He nods. She moves away from him and walks towards the door. Olivia looks back at him with her hand on the doorknob and a sad smile on her face.

"Happy anniversary, El."


End file.
